thoughts

Heavy Hearted....

2005-04-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

It's been sometime I have written my blog. Everything seems normal today but... I had a conversation with someone which makes my heart felt so heavy today. Someone which had once makes me real happy and at the same time breaks my heart.

He have left me one year ago. Heard that he had quite a few girlfriends in between. These two days he kept changing his msn nick into something really weird and I actually struck a conversation with him.

Get to know that he have just broken up with his latest girlfriend and was really sad. He apologise to me on how he have treated me previously. He felt that he have been too stubborn and had given me a really hard time. One part of the conversation really hurts. "I was forced to give in to her because the same things happen to us repeats in our relation. You love me more than I love you, and now. I love her more than she love me".

I starts to wonder, since in the begining of the relation he have always know that I love him more than he love me, why did he want to marry me then??

He apologise for the past which I felt there isn't a need to as whatever things that have happen are history. This kind of situation doesn't happen just once. Why is it that guys always doesn't treasure when they have it.

I asked him if he would give our relation another shot if there is a chance. He said yes. I didn't know why did I ask that. Its been a year since this guy step out of my life. Till today, I still feel for him. He may have treated me badly but at least, he have been the only one that really makes me take that extra mile to do anything for him.

I told him in the conversation to be happy no matter what. I don't ask for much when he broke my heart previously, but to stay happy. Many people may feel that it's stupid but maybe to me, to know that the person you love is happy would be the best gift.

Low morale...

2004-12-03T10:10:00.000+08:00

Yesterday a fren called, saying that I am getting irritating... It actually kind o affected me alot... Should go and "mian bi si guo le".

Don't know what is wrong with me recently just feel super low morale about everything. Temper getting bad to worse. Trying to do things to please everyone but I'm human too.. I have my own needs.. I need support too wat... can't everyone just give and take abit le??

All problem come at one shot. Why are things so unfair in life le.. Haiz... there always no answer to this question de lor..

Maybe that is life ba... but I'm just tired.. Real sian abt this whole issue,life... Just wanna be by myself for once... Ah..... Erupting lor.....

Sob sob...

2004-11-24T09:52:00.000+08:00

Its a long time since I last wrote a blog le... haiz... become more and more lazy le... As usual at work now... Super low morale... Don't know why also... Alot of things seems to happen recently which makes me feel so sick and tired.

I'm I being too judgemental at times?? Making life difficult for myself.... haiz... sian... forget it..

Time flies man.... Everything seems to pass so fast... Its been more then half a yr since I have *** ... When I reli look back, really regretted alot of things which I have done... How i wish I can turn back time...

2004-10-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

Did something really crazy last nite. Felt so stupid.... But... after spilling out everything, I had a really nice sleep.

Too many things happen at a time these few days, heart felt so heavy man.... When can things really subside. "Chuan Dao Qiao Tou Zhi Ran Zhi", it seems easy to understand but does it really happen in real life?

Feel lke just getting away for awhile. Can't breathe.....

GIVE ME A BREAK MAN....

Crazy day...........

2004-10-01T17:10:00.000+08:00

Feel so tired.... Early morning hp start giving problem.
Came to work heels give me problem... What more to come man!!!
Haiz.... Stupid day...
So short tempered today.. Due to some..... reason.... haiz.... Feel like bursting soon.
Feel so stress, haiz.... when will my DREAMS COME TRUE!!!
hai... talking rubbish liao....

Something to share

2004-09-30T09:54:00.000+08:00

love is just like someone waiting for a bus.
When the bus comes, you look at it and you said to yourself.
....so full....cannot sit down one"."
"so you said to yourself, "i'll wait for the next one".
So... you let the bus go and waited for the second bus.
then the second bus came, you looked at it and you said,
"eee...this bus so old..surely very uncomfortable one.""
"so you let the bus go and again, decided to wait for the next bus.
After a while another bus came,
it's not crowded, not old but you said,
"eee..no air-con one..and the weather is so warm,better wait for the next one""
"so again you let the bus go and decided to wait for the next bus.
then the sky started to get dark as it is getting late.
You panicked and jump on to the next on coming bus.
it is not until much later that you found out
that........ you had boarded on to the wrong bus!
so you wasted your time and money waiting for what you want!
even if an aircon bus came, can you ensure that the aircon bus
won't break down or whether will the aircon be too cold for you?
so people wanting to get what you want is not wrong.
but it wouldn't hurt to give other people a chance right?
If you found that the "bus" doesn't suit you,
just press the redbutton and get off the bus.
but wait...i'm sure you have this experience before.
you saw a bus coming (the bus you want of course)
you flagged it but the driver act blur, by pretending not seeing you and zoomed pass you!
Well...... and when the bus zoomed pass, what you may have to do is WALK!!!!
The bottom line is being loved is like waiting for a bus whether you want.
To get on the bus and give the bus a chance depends totally on you.
And walking is like being out of love.
You never lose by loving.
You always lose by holding back.